It's Simply Complicated

Life as a wife, a mom, and a woman

Day One… Again May 28, 2010

Filed under: My Personal Thoughts — alyshaisabella @ 10:50 am

I have been on a personal mission of healthy eating for a really long time. I actually started a couple of years after I had our first son. Not only was I on a mission to stay skinny but I wanted to show our children how to eat.  Luckily for me, at that time,there was a new trend in America and it wasn’t dieting. It was eating healthy and organic and learning how to get back to the basics with food. Some where between our grandparents and ourselves, everything became just food. No one knew what they were putting in their mouth anymore, they just knew it was great tasting.

Since the beginning I started reading about food and health and picking up little bits as I go. Now I’m far from expert and nor will I sit and talk about what food are good and what foods are bad. However, I did learn more about what I was putting into my body and what a difference it made on what my body learned to do with it. All the information was good, but boy did it never really bring to practice how to live the life. I hear success stories of people losing weight and I keep thinking, there is something that they are not telling because for me it’s just too hard.

So here I sit after months of going healthy and I think at the beginning of each day here’s day one. The reason is because I always manage to screw things up. I have a soda, cookies, fried shrimp, and the list goes on of things that aren’t on the healthy list. In my mind, I’ve completely screwed up and have to start over. The progress isn’t there in the scale, so clearly I have managed to screw up my weight loss efforts by eating in a non healthy way. I’m completely frustrated and yet I will continue my search for success because the key is there. I just haven’t found what will really work for me.

In fact, as a side note, I have had a weight issue since I was twenty. The two times I’ve managed to lose weight was then I went to work the over night shift. My body wasn’t use to being up during that time and therefore didn’t know when to eat. What I managed to do was eat very little and my body had no choice but to eat fat stored to survive. I won’t ever do that again, but it wasn’t due to my efforts that I managed to lose weight. The other time was then I was pregnant with our second and got the flu. I don’t know how much I lost but I was three months pregnant and wearing things I couldn’t fit into before I got pregnant. Neither of those are options so I’m just sitting here facing another day one.

Advertisements
 

Plaquing Insecurities May 25, 2010

Filed under: My Personal Thoughts — alyshaisabella @ 5:01 pm

Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about my biggest insecurity. In fact, I know I’ve spent more time thinking than doing, but that’s just the problem. I feel like I have tried to take action and I keep failing. I feel like I’m doing something wrong but don’t know what. I also don’t have time to research the vast amount of information out there to get to the truth. It’s like the key to success is right in front of me but I can’t see it. With such anxiety over results, I’m stuck more than ever.

As on an earlier post, I went to a bachelorette party and the pictures are posted and viewable on Facebook. That night when I looked in the mirror before leaving I didn’t look as heavy as what the pictures came back showing. I use to be the opposite when I would see my reflection. I would see mounds of fat on a body that weighed 100 lbs and now that I’m too embarrassed to say what the scale says, I see thinner.

What gets me the most is having the want for healthy living and for a physically fit body. I delight in the idea of those far more than just being thin. I want to be the person who eats all this healthy food and loves it far more than something from a box or drive thru. In all honesty, I do get lazy and tired of trying. I just want to be living my life that way and stop trying to get over the sugar crashes, the cravings for something sweet, or the temptation that haunts me in every decision I make. My personality doesn’t consist of being able to set my mind to something and just being able to do it. I usually set my mind and fall flat on my face a hundred times before I see a finish line. This time, I don’t see the finish line. I see the path up ahead just bending around another corner.

What probably would help the most is inspiration. I don’t know what would work to keep me going yet. I haven’t found that trigger and I’m running out of places to look. If anyone has any ideas, let me know because I need some help. I need something to get me to the point I’m looking for.

 

In reflection, it’s not so bad May 22, 2010

Filed under: My Personal Thoughts — alyshaisabella @ 3:42 pm

Saturday was planned out for at least a week in advance. My nephew was having his first birthday at my mother’s house. That way he could have not only a pool to play in, but a huge blow up slide to go down. Following the party I was to have dinner with the family and then set out for a bachlorette party. 

The birthday party was taking place at two o’clock. Since usually the rental is an all day thing, we planned to go over early in the day to swim and slide without everyone else there. When we got there we ended up not really doing anything. The boys swam while I carried around the baby. Bear didn’t seem to want to be set down. At the time too, I was determined to be in a bad mood. I get frustrated on days where my family gets together. It’s hard to tell if anyone will be in a bad mood, which spreads like wild fire, or if things get said that shouldn’t be said. In anticipation of such unknown, I stay on edge. Luckily not long after we got there, Bear needed his afternoon nap. Farron and I headed home for lunch and I needed to regroup. Any time I get so on edge, it makes for bickering between Farron and I. 

After I cooled down and Bear took a nap, we headed to the birthday party. To our surprise, the event was fun and enjoyable. There wasn’t a comment that went the wrong way, there weren’t people there that made things uncomfortable, and spirits were high. Farron and I spent time with Bear in a kiddie pool and then did some time in the big pool. We slipped and slided with the kids, watched my nephew dig into his birthday cake, and genuinly had a really good time. In fact, we lost track of time and didn’t leave until 5:30. We took the children home, put them to bed and I was hurried to get out the door again to help an old friend celebrate her up coming marriage with a bachlorette party. 

Since I had to take a shower, blow dry my hair, and get a gift for her, I didn’t join the party until 8:00. It started at a local land mark and moved to three other places. What was crazy about joining the party was the fact that I was going to see friends that I really hadn’t seen in anywhere from 5 to 10 years. These were also the people I spent most of my time with growing up. It was like a reunion and I wasn’t sure about it. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would have fun, if it would be akward, or if I would be too nervous. As it turns out, I had a lot of fun. Some people I wish I connected with more and others, it was great having the conversations. By the end of the night, I was glad I went and felt great about being included. My bachlorette friend and I haven’t talked in a long time, but I felt honored she wanted to include me. I guess there is still a part of me that loves feeling included and being thought of as a friend reguardless of how much time passes inbetween our get togethers. 

Luke and his Mommy

 

Sliding fun

 

Old and New Friends

 

Bachlorette and some bachlor (we crashed their party)