It's Simply Complicated

Life as a wife, a mom, and a woman

Plaquing Insecurities May 25, 2010

Filed under: My Personal Thoughts — alyshaisabella @ 5:01 pm

Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about my biggest insecurity. In fact, I know I’ve spent more time thinking than doing, but that’s just the problem. I feel like I have tried to take action and I keep failing. I feel like I’m doing something wrong but don’t know what. I also don’t have time to research the vast amount of information out there to get to the truth. It’s like the key to success is right in front of me but I can’t see it. With such anxiety over results, I’m stuck more than ever.

As on an earlier post, I went to a bachelorette party and the pictures are posted and viewable on Facebook. That night when I looked in the mirror before leaving I didn’t look as heavy as what the pictures came back showing. I use to be the opposite when I would see my reflection. I would see mounds of fat on a body that weighed 100 lbs and now that I’m too embarrassed to say what the scale says, I see thinner.

What gets me the most is having the want for healthy living and for a physically fit body. I delight in the idea of those far more than just being thin. I want to be the person who eats all this healthy food and loves it far more than something from a box or drive thru. In all honesty, I do get lazy and tired of trying. I just want to be living my life that way and stop trying to get over the sugar crashes, the cravings for something sweet, or the temptation that haunts me in every decision I make. My personality doesn’t consist of being able to set my mind to something and just being able to do it. I usually set my mind and fall flat on my face a hundred times before I see a finish line. This time, I don’t see the finish line. I see the path up ahead just bending around another corner.

What probably would help the most is inspiration. I don’t know what would work to keep me going yet. I haven’t found that trigger and I’m running out of places to look. If anyone has any ideas, let me know because I need some help. I need something to get me to the point I’m looking for.

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