It's Simply Complicated

Life as a wife, a mom, and a woman

Day One… Again May 28, 2010

Filed under: My Personal Thoughts — alyshaisabella @ 10:50 am

I have been on a personal mission of healthy eating for a really long time. I actually started a couple of years after I had our first son. Not only was I on a mission to stay skinny but I wanted to show our children how to eat.  Luckily for me, at that time,there was a new trend in America and it wasn’t dieting. It was eating healthy and organic and learning how to get back to the basics with food. Some where between our grandparents and ourselves, everything became just food. No one knew what they were putting in their mouth anymore, they just knew it was great tasting.

Since the beginning I started reading about food and health and picking up little bits as I go. Now I’m far from expert and nor will I sit and talk about what food are good and what foods are bad. However, I did learn more about what I was putting into my body and what a difference it made on what my body learned to do with it. All the information was good, but boy did it never really bring to practice how to live the life. I hear success stories of people losing weight and I keep thinking, there is something that they are not telling because for me it’s just too hard.

So here I sit after months of going healthy and I think at the beginning of each day here’s day one. The reason is because I always manage to screw things up. I have a soda, cookies, fried shrimp, and the list goes on of things that aren’t on the healthy list. In my mind, I’ve completely screwed up and have to start over. The progress isn’t there in the scale, so clearly I have managed to screw up my weight loss efforts by eating in a non healthy way. I’m completely frustrated and yet I will continue my search for success because the key is there. I just haven’t found what will really work for me.

In fact, as a side note, I have had a weight issue since I was twenty. The two times I’ve managed to lose weight was then I went to work the over night shift. My body wasn’t use to being up during that time and therefore didn’t know when to eat. What I managed to do was eat very little and my body had no choice but to eat fat stored to survive. I won’t ever do that again, but it wasn’t due to my efforts that I managed to lose weight. The other time was then I was pregnant with our second and got the flu. I don’t know how much I lost but I was three months pregnant and wearing things I couldn’t fit into before I got pregnant. Neither of those are options so I’m just sitting here facing another day one.

 

Getting Ready for Summer May 26, 2010

Filed under: The Every Day — alyshaisabella @ 8:11 pm

School is winding down and I am trying to get a handle on what to do this summer. Little Man is now 7 years old and I have expectations that I want him to uphold. First I decided that chores will be a must. He needs to learn to keep picking up after himself. Second, I want him to still do things for learning. I want to help him keep the information he learned plus get a feel for what it to come ahead in second grade. Third, it’s the summer and I want it to include having fun and being able to enjoy time with his family. The thing is that I needed a plan because without one, all my good ideas would be out the window. Plus, I can’t stick to anything when I’m shooting from the hip every day.

On Mother’s Day we took a trip out to Barnes and Noble, just to take a look around and I found three books on the subjects where Little Man is the weakest. Suddenly, I was filled with excitement because I can work on those subjects over the summer and hopefully help him out for next school year. In order to find out how much we had to cover and in the amount of time given, I created blank calendar templates beginning in June and ending in August. Down here we end the second week in June and start back up about the third week in August. What I ended up with was we could cover about six pages a day, only sending about an hour to two hours working on things and it would all depend on how involved we got.  Also, to spread things out, I made each day of the week specifically geared towards something. I’m hoping that we can just take a little time each day to talk about things and then when we’re doing stuff, talk about lessons learned that week.

Chores were something I have written on the calendar and with four days assigned three jobs. Each day of completion earns a star. Four stars a week is a good weekend with no limitations on activities and a small allowance to spend. Three stars is a weekend with no electronics while two stars gets a weekend being grounded and one star is grounding plus paying us back the allowance. It is something I’m trying and it is new to the family, but I wanted to wait for the summer to be sure I could help him get into the routine of it. School year brings too many crazy nights to show consistency.

Last but not least is the fun list. While I don’t have tons of money to just blow all the time on things, I do however want to have ideas readily available to help fill time and make the day more enjoyable. I am still working on my fun list, but I know I can go to the internet and look for ideas to do with kids. Our community has a calendar which allows for prior knowledge of festivals, things for the kids, and ideas advertised by local businesses. Each day may not follow the schedule, however, it’s a place to start. If we miss out on some school work because  we decided to have lunch with Dad one day, we’ll just spend some time together another day while the baby sleeps.

Last year I worked from home and Julian spent most of his time watching tv. Especially since I don’t hold a high opinion of the cartoons available most of the time, I certainly need something to make the arguments decrease over tv watching while making both our time well spent. We’ll see how it goes.

 

Stupid but Funny Things

Filed under: The Every Day — alyshaisabella @ 10:57 am

My husband is a genius, but he’s still a guy. Last night we were in the kitchen doing last-minute things before we went to bed. We got on the topic of our bellies (don’t ask) and  Farron told me to look as his. He lifts up his shirt and I said, “It’s nothing compared to mine.” And normally you would expect the response to be no way or something to negate your negative comment. Not Farron. He looks at my stomach and said, “But yours it’s a saggy and flabby.” I do what I always do when he says something retarded and I pretend to be hurt, I drop my mouth open, pop open my eyes and turn around. In reality he was in belief he was saying something that made his much worse, but hey, he’s a guy.

After something like that you would expect him to be more careful. Nope, it’s not his style. By the time a new comment come out of this mouth we were in our bedroom. He was getting ready for bed and I was undressing for the shower. I started talking about intimacy and he said,” I don’t feel sexy right now.” I retorted with “I don’t always either, but you make me feel sexy and nothing else matters. Don’t  I make you feel sexy?” In response, the funny guy he is, stated “I’m better at my job than…” which he didn’t quite finish where he was going with that because he was realising what he was saying. Again, my face goes to shocked and I turn to walk into the bathroom.

It’s funny how little he thinks about things, with me, sometimes before he says it. Although, in so many ways I love it because I find it funny and I know where he comes from on all his slip ups. If it weren’t true we would have divorced when I was pregnant and I told him to come cuddle with me and he said (in a pouting sort of way), “But, but it’s hard because there’s more of you and your taking up the space.”

Again, I laughed and still find it funny.

 

Plaquing Insecurities May 25, 2010

Filed under: My Personal Thoughts — alyshaisabella @ 5:01 pm

Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about my biggest insecurity. In fact, I know I’ve spent more time thinking than doing, but that’s just the problem. I feel like I have tried to take action and I keep failing. I feel like I’m doing something wrong but don’t know what. I also don’t have time to research the vast amount of information out there to get to the truth. It’s like the key to success is right in front of me but I can’t see it. With such anxiety over results, I’m stuck more than ever.

As on an earlier post, I went to a bachelorette party and the pictures are posted and viewable on Facebook. That night when I looked in the mirror before leaving I didn’t look as heavy as what the pictures came back showing. I use to be the opposite when I would see my reflection. I would see mounds of fat on a body that weighed 100 lbs and now that I’m too embarrassed to say what the scale says, I see thinner.

What gets me the most is having the want for healthy living and for a physically fit body. I delight in the idea of those far more than just being thin. I want to be the person who eats all this healthy food and loves it far more than something from a box or drive thru. In all honesty, I do get lazy and tired of trying. I just want to be living my life that way and stop trying to get over the sugar crashes, the cravings for something sweet, or the temptation that haunts me in every decision I make. My personality doesn’t consist of being able to set my mind to something and just being able to do it. I usually set my mind and fall flat on my face a hundred times before I see a finish line. This time, I don’t see the finish line. I see the path up ahead just bending around another corner.

What probably would help the most is inspiration. I don’t know what would work to keep me going yet. I haven’t found that trigger and I’m running out of places to look. If anyone has any ideas, let me know because I need some help. I need something to get me to the point I’m looking for.

 

Talking is not always a good thing May 24, 2010

Filed under: Little Man — alyshaisabella @ 7:08 pm

As I sit here about to start my blog, I remember Little Man when he was actually little. He wouldn’t say a word for the longest time. He was so far behind that I took him to a speech therapist to see if something was wrong. After working on sign language for a way to communicate, he started to talk and it was like he never missed a beat.

Tonight however, I got on to him for not flushing the toilet. It is something that we have talked about enough to permit lectures and punishment. As I sat there telling him how it was nonsense that I even have to say anything anymore and he should just always take care of it, he comes back with, “Like you take care of the little tub every night.”  While I’m sure the sense of knowing that he just talked back is found in the tone, but what he is talking about is his little brothers baby bath that I will leave draining in the tub while I get Bear dressed. More times than not, he will have to move it before he goes to take a shower.

I almost couldn’t say anything after that comment came out of his mouth. My first thought was how rude and then I was thinking about how he should not have had the nerve to say that to me. In total honesty though, I pretty much just ended the conversation because I just couldn’t react. As we walked away from each other I thought just slap him. I didn’t but I went and told Farron about what had just happened. Since Farron doesn’t tolerate back talking he went and layed into him about respect and then grounded him.

Even now, I’m just surprised at what comes from him. The little boy who wouldn’t talk for the first year and a half, possibly even two years, is now sassy. I know they go through stages and push their limits, but how can I be effective if I can’t even acknowledge what happened. I still don’t think if Farron weren’t here to back me up, I wouldn’t have been able to stand my ground. I know I don’t stand my ground all the time because sometimes I just can’t stand there and fight for it. I’m too tired and very well aware that it’s telling him it’s okay to do the same in the future. This time, I was too stunned to stand my ground and by the time I found the words, the moment would have passed and I don’t know if I would go revisit it. Since the moment has passed and it was taken care of, I’ll let it go and better never see a next time. (ha)

 

Quality not Quantity May 23, 2010

Filed under: The Every Day — alyshaisabella @ 3:47 pm

I got in very very late Saturday. Actually, it was 3am Sunday morning when my head hit the pillow. Next thing I know, I hear Bear crawling around the room and Farron getting dressed. I wasn’t too happy at first but then the hunger hit me. I couldn’t help but get up because I really needed food. Farron’s plans were to head over to his parent’s house for a visit. I didn’t really like the idea of being left alone and apparently he read it on my face because he invited me to come along. I said sure, got dressed, grabbed my healthy but quick and easy breakfast, and we were out the door. It was a nice visit but we headed home after a bit for Bear’s morning nap. I layed down and Farron headed out for Kayaking. When Farron returned it was time to get up again because Bear was up. We went out for lunch and then headed to Walmart. We didn’t need anything but we did want to look and possibly get something we wanted. By the time we got home, it was time to nap again. Bear, Farron, and I layed down for as long as Bear would sleep. After we got up we cleaned the house a bit and made dinner. 

The Family

 

The reason why this day seemed so important with all its mundane things is because we did them together. We spent time together as a family. We did things because we wanted to and not because we had to. We made decisions on what to do based on what we wanted. It may sound silly, but it feels rare when we get days like these. There are so many decisions that happen throughout the week that don’t feel like they are our own. Something needs to be cleaned, something has to be taken care of, something needs to be fed. The idea is that we chose our lives, but responsibilities take over and really feel like they take our power of choice. It was a day like today that made me enjoy the power of my decisions because so many days they feel like they are taken away from me. 

Farron and I

 

Farron and I sat a talked for a bit tonight and really found out how much we both enjoyed this weekend. Saturday was fun and it felt good. Sunday was a day we claimed as our own and no matter what, made decisions based on what we wanted and not what was expected, needed, or demanded. I absolutely love my husband and children, but rarely do I stop to remember how much I enjoy them individually and together. 

My Babies

 

In reflection, it’s not so bad May 22, 2010

Filed under: My Personal Thoughts — alyshaisabella @ 3:42 pm

Saturday was planned out for at least a week in advance. My nephew was having his first birthday at my mother’s house. That way he could have not only a pool to play in, but a huge blow up slide to go down. Following the party I was to have dinner with the family and then set out for a bachlorette party. 

The birthday party was taking place at two o’clock. Since usually the rental is an all day thing, we planned to go over early in the day to swim and slide without everyone else there. When we got there we ended up not really doing anything. The boys swam while I carried around the baby. Bear didn’t seem to want to be set down. At the time too, I was determined to be in a bad mood. I get frustrated on days where my family gets together. It’s hard to tell if anyone will be in a bad mood, which spreads like wild fire, or if things get said that shouldn’t be said. In anticipation of such unknown, I stay on edge. Luckily not long after we got there, Bear needed his afternoon nap. Farron and I headed home for lunch and I needed to regroup. Any time I get so on edge, it makes for bickering between Farron and I. 

After I cooled down and Bear took a nap, we headed to the birthday party. To our surprise, the event was fun and enjoyable. There wasn’t a comment that went the wrong way, there weren’t people there that made things uncomfortable, and spirits were high. Farron and I spent time with Bear in a kiddie pool and then did some time in the big pool. We slipped and slided with the kids, watched my nephew dig into his birthday cake, and genuinly had a really good time. In fact, we lost track of time and didn’t leave until 5:30. We took the children home, put them to bed and I was hurried to get out the door again to help an old friend celebrate her up coming marriage with a bachlorette party. 

Since I had to take a shower, blow dry my hair, and get a gift for her, I didn’t join the party until 8:00. It started at a local land mark and moved to three other places. What was crazy about joining the party was the fact that I was going to see friends that I really hadn’t seen in anywhere from 5 to 10 years. These were also the people I spent most of my time with growing up. It was like a reunion and I wasn’t sure about it. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would have fun, if it would be akward, or if I would be too nervous. As it turns out, I had a lot of fun. Some people I wish I connected with more and others, it was great having the conversations. By the end of the night, I was glad I went and felt great about being included. My bachlorette friend and I haven’t talked in a long time, but I felt honored she wanted to include me. I guess there is still a part of me that loves feeling included and being thought of as a friend reguardless of how much time passes inbetween our get togethers. 

Luke and his Mommy

 

Sliding fun

 

Old and New Friends

 

Bachlorette and some bachlor (we crashed their party)